Planting The Seed - Do you know what you need?
We unconsciously assume that people know what we want, what is important to us, and how we want to be treated. This is not always the case.
As a business owner, various people, experts, and professionals have told me many times over the years that I should have a calendar with all of the 'important' days of the year marked out and then market to those dates.
Day of the Girl, Day of Nude Gardening (missed that one; it was last week), Environmental Day, etc…
I have no issue with any of the days, but I never made a calendar and could never work out what to write about those particular days if I was not interested in writing about them.
This is a different year for two reasons.
First, my children are now officially adults, so it is entirely up to them to acknowledge me on Mother's Day.
Secondly, I will run the last ever live version of The Gift of Asking Program this June. More on that later.
Mother's Day has always been a little fraught for me.
It was created by Anna Jarvis in 1907 to celebrate her mother's passing, but apparently, she turned her back once the day became a commercial endeavour.
Many people do not like Mother's Day for many various and valid reasons.
My husband and I are generally not fans of the 'commercial days'; we do not celebrate Valentine's Day, for example, and he is not fussed about Father’s Day.
And yet, Mother's Day is more important to me than I would like to admit—especially since I found myself devasted one year.
When the children were in primary school, the school made sure that they made items, such as cards, for their mothers or primary carers.
There then comes a stage when the school does not instruct the children to make anything, as they are older and are left to their own devices.
One year, I received nothing.
I did not blame my children; I blamed my husband.
"It is your job to ensure the children are prepared for Mother's Day and have a card, a song, or something. SOMETHING!"
My husband was as surprised as I was by how upset I was about not receiving anything that year.
This is when I realised I was not as blasé about Mother's Day as I had hoped to be. If I were trying to be cool about it, I would say that Mother's Day means nothing to me, but I'd be lying. It does. It does mean something to me.
If you know my history, it is abundantly apparent why Mother's Day is so important to me. Growing up with five foster mothers and my birth mother, rightly or wrongly, makes me sensitive about being acknowledged as being my children's only mother.
Over the last few years, I have made it clear to the children that I do not need them to acknowledge my birthday. I was born before they arrived, and I do not need them to make an effort for my birthday. I have no problem celebrating myself or celebrating with friends.
But I have asked them to acknowledge me in some way on Mother's Day. Handwritten cards and a hug are enough.
If you have a connection or disconnection with Mother's Day, and the people in your life do not know about it, tell them.
Whatever this day means to you, ask for what you need. Set the people in your life up for success. Set yourself up to receive love and attention in the way that fills your heart.
If you have an ask from the people in your life about Mother's Day, please ask them.
You may want to be taken to lunch or be as far away from your children as possible.
You may be in a season of grieving the loss of a mother or trying to become a mother and have different needs entirely.
Ask. Ask. Ask.
I know mothers who don't like the day at all and 'play the game'. I know children who don't like the day at all and 'play the game.'
Some mothers are happy just to let what happens happen.
Every one of these situations is a reality.
We unconsciously assume that people know what we want, what is important to us, and how we want to be treated. This is not always the case.
Will my children remember Mother's Day every year for the rest of my life? Maybe not. Will I have to ask them again, possibly? Will I still love them either way? Absolutely.
It is unfair to be disappointed when we didn't ask in the first place.
You are always worthy of the ask.
The Gift of Asking Live Program – Early Bird Offer!
“This course was really nothing short of life-changing. It opened my eyes to the importance of identifying my needs, of owning them, of asking for what I need (without guilt and justification), and of the positive - transformational - impact of my asking both for me but also for those around me. I loved sharing the course with warm, open, vulnerable women, and learning from them. And Kemi created the most incredible environment for learning, sharing, and challenging ourselves and each other. I could not recommend it highly enough.” - Helen
This is the last time I will run this program live. If you want to join The Gift of Asking Live Program, which begins June 17, all the details are here. You can secure your place and the early-bird offer now.
Over the years, I have had friends do this program together, and the learnings and actions taken have been extraordinary.
So please share this with a friend if you know they would benefit by owning their needs and asking for what they want without guilt.
Wishing you a weekend of honouring your needs - without apology. xxx
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The Harvest
I was grinding the salt in a pestle and mortar.
Behind us, another group made the fire, using the ‘fire by friction’ method, with great success.
Sitting in a circle with my group, I felt a deep connection to community and contribution.
Each one of us had a job to do, and if we did not do that job, we would not eat.
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